I’ve decided to get a bit real on my lunch break today and post on tumblr.
Has anyone out there had a friendship fall apart? How did you guys deal with it? How did it happen?
Recently a decade long friendship I have had has come to an apex. Things had been rough for years. I feel like this is largely due to the fact that I went away for school while my friend didn’t. We had vastly different times and experiences that shaped us into very different people.
Communications were rough between us. Things have been really good for me over the past few years while difficult for her and I feel like she resented me for it. Even though our differing life circumstances were out of my control. My friend stopped confiding in me because I ‘would judge her’ but then also get mad at me for not knowing what was going on in her life. I’m a fairly blunt and honest person so I would give my view on things when she did communicate but I didn’t judge. I just couldn’t do right in her eyes.
It got to a point where I felt like I was the only one trying to keep the friendship alive. Always the first to talk and always the one to try to make plans. This analogy sounds stupid but I constantly felt like the kid of an absent parent. Always hoping for more knowing things wouldn’t change.
At this point it’s been a few months since we have talked and I still struggle with losing our friendship on a daily basis. I firmly believe that the stress of it has been a big factor in my recent health issues (I wont get into that here) but she told me not to talk to her so I’m respecting her wishes. If she messaged me I would answer in a heartbeat. I will always be willing to try and fix things but I can’t do that alone and I can’t do that if I’m resented.
I by no means think I’m innocent in losing her. I know I can be blunt and too honest with my words. I don’t know if my friend still ever looks at this blog or would read this wall of text if she did.
I know that I always have and always will want the best for her and be here for her.
Its been a really rough bit of time and writing out this post has helped immensely. I would have done it sooner but I don’t think I could have.